Thursday, July 31, 2008

white light and negativity

I just reread a wonderful meditation on the light this morning.  A gentle reminder to bring the light into everything that I do and to surround myself with light.  It was lovely this morning to feel the tingle of bright white light washing through my body, clearing my mind and uplifting my spirit.  It was a great way to start the day.  

Another day of putting out fires, even in the yoga business we carry the water and chop the wood and we do that with other people so there are the challenges of doing that with as much grace as we can find within.  

Reading the feedback from the course evaluation for this past years yoga teacher training program there were some disgruntled students, students who did not express their dissatisfaction to me.  Who did not come to me and talk to me about what was not working for them.  The comments are sharp and cutting.  In a format that leave no recourse to help these students get what they need from the program.  Had they communicated through out the program in a more direct manner we, I may have been able to do something to make the course a better experience for them.  

As I sit here trying to bring light to this feeling in my stomach I find that maybe this is the test once again.  Not just to be able to bring in the light in my bedroom, surrounded by my favourite things but in the challenging situations of life.  The way through this is to look carefully at the comments and decide what I can truly learn from.  What comments are there for me to learn and grow from.  Students would generally like more focus on Asana. The curriculum comes from the knowledge base expected by the Federation of Ontario Yoga Teachers, The Yoga Alliance and the British Wheel of Yoga.  To take away those elements and focus on Asana alone would bring the program into the same category as that many of the quick courses on yoga of just focusing on asana.  Yoga is not just about asana.  

This could be more clearly articulated on our website.  One person commented on my lack of knowledge on the subject of yoga and this is something that moves inside me.  I feel that lack on a daily basis.  I read, I study, I take classes, courses, work with my teachers and no matter how much I learn about yoga I really feel that I will spend my whole life and barely scratch the surface of what is possible to know about yoga. I have worked with Doctors, chiropractors, massage therapists and physiotherapist who have found my understanding of the human body and yoga interesting and enlightening.  The comments, long story short, hurt most when they tap into my own fears and doubts about myself.  

 There are also lovely comments from happy students who got what they needed in the program.  As I practice repeating those comments and teasing out the juice of change and opportunity in the negative comments I am reminded of my teachers and how they have grappled with the same tension.

A work in progress. 
loving all unconditionally,

Saturday, July 26, 2008

summer mishmash

Well, a first comment.  Means somebody is reading this.  I am encouraged.  We are working on the fall schedule.  Waiting for teachers to let us know what they desire for the fall.  I think that we should ask the students what they like, maybe we should do a survey.  To see when students want classes and what teachers they are interested in working with.  

Getting ready this weekend for next weeks yoga camp.  Jim, Owen and I papered the halls in Kitchener with a story and a collection of great teachers and marine maps.  We had lots of fun, got very sticky with spray glue and still have one wall to go.  If you are reading this come on out and send me a comment here to let me know what you think.  

The Ashtanga specialization starts next week, so if you are into improving your practice or expanding your teaching skills this one is for you.  Check out the website to see more details.

Any bike experts out there.  My gears are not working right.  I have been trying to walk the green talk and now my bike gears are not working, hummm.  I am willing to trade massage for bike repair.  Any takers?

Thinking of going to Toronto for a yoga class or an afternoon workshop with Danny Paradise, he is at the Downward Dog from 4-6pm tomorrow.  Let me know if anyone wants to car pool, my van holds 8.

I hope everyone is enjoying the sunshine - I am off to the Dover to sail and swim. Lalalalalalala.

live, love and laugh,

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Holding Space

One of my dearest friends is struggling for her life right now.  She has been diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer.  She is young and strong, she is fighting.  I watch her and I am in admiration of her strength of character.  My mother has a mass in her lungs, yet to be determined and another friend is going in to check her lungs on Friday.  I pray for them all, I pray for their highest good to be realized in this moment.  I pray for them to heal.  I pray for them night and day.  I cry from time to time.  This is life - real time.  People get sick, people die.  Why does it feel so wrong?  It is perfectly normal, it happens everyday.  I feel alone.  I know that is not true.  I have seen the truth that I am never alone.  All those who have gone before, my guides, my teachers, my angels, my poppy, are all there guiding me, watching over me.  Archangel Michael spread his wings around me the night before last and held me while I feel asleep feeling alone and afraid.  

I got up the next day and with some resolve turned to my yoga practice, it was soft and lazy.  I looked inside and asked is this how Nadia built her business. I remembered why I practice and got busy and worked hard enough to break a sweat.  

 I thought a lot about my romantic relationship and realized that I was pulling away and turning inward, I found myself thinking Susie would speak up and tell her partner what she wanted.  I did.  

Feeling sorry for myself  I looked around at the mess of my kitchen and the mound of laundry in the basement, not knowing where to start to tackle the disaster and I thought of my mother and how she always found the energy to keep her house clean and I found the determination to get it done.

As I thought about writing a meaningful blog today, I realized, that the great gifts in my life are the inspiration that my friends and family provide.  They inspire me to get up every day and be my best self possible.  They may not always be with me but they will always be a part of me.  

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Summer Fun

Excitement and anxiety are very close cousins, sometimes these emotions feel the same in the gut and but the body knows the difference.  One stimulates the sympathetic nervous system and the other the parasympathetic.  One feels great and the other feels chokingly life threatening.  Life is full of both if we are out there living it.  

This past weekend was jam packed with Olivia's horse show and Conor performing in the Montreal Jazz festival.  It made me proud to hear them both conversing fluently in French.  Only one speeding ticket in a 36 hours trip to Montreal and back to Cambridge.  Owen has been a joy this week, helping out with the very first week of the "1st annual summer camp program."  

Camp Namaha is off to a great start.  We saw a giant Osprey fly over head, circle around and dive straight down into the river to catch her morning snack.  We watched, mesmerized as she gracefully carried her little black fish through the air back to her nest.  It was a good omen from nature and a real gift to our little group as we explored along the Grand River.  We found fossils, fresh mint and a wonderful sacred stone.  We found a great piece of drift wood that will be come the staff of Camp Namaha.  Fun was had by all and I was reminded of how much I adore 3 year olds, they are so squishy and loveable and they still want to hold hands.